Here is the thing ladies and gentlemen…once a fat girl, always a fat girl. Even when I was 125 pounds smaller, I still saw myself as a fat girl. Why? I guess because that is all I have ever known. I am taking the bathroom mirror pictures of myself on this weight loss journey of mine so that I can see where I have been. If I am honest with myself I can see some small differences, but that damn insecurity of mine just won’t let me celebrate. It isn’t something I want to be, fat or insecure that is, it just is.
Imagine your family buying you work out tapes and books. That’s right, Slimming Down and Growing Up and the Get in Shape Girl program, straight from those who are suppose to love you know matter who you are, what you look like, and what you do. Come on people! Do not buy a fat girl a gym membership or books on how to lose weight unless she herself asks you for them!!! Here is what will happen when you do; she will open her gift and thank you and tell you it is just what she wanted and needed and act as though it was the best gift on the planet, when in fact she is dying inside. Trust me on that, and all you want at that moment is to be invisible. We are programmed that we are supposed to be happy all the time. If you can’t be happy, well then you need to slap on a happy face, and fake it. Those are the rules. There is no place for a depressed fat chick in the room. She already has not been invited to the party, again. She has already been called a cow and a pig. People will love you when they get to know you, really? How about they never take the chance to get to know you, because they have already made up their mind on how they feel about you based upon how you look. Deny it all you want, but I do not lie about this stuff!
I continue to battle myself daily. Some days I win, and other days my personal demons do, and that is okay. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I get the chance to try it again. Tomorrow I get the chance to get it right this time, and that is what I am going to continue to do with myself. I am going to continue to live my tomorrows until I run out of them, and maybe one day I will finally get my tomorrow right.